Adult relationships. It just dawned on me that my most adult relationship was when I was about 18 years old. I thought of this and giggled because the list includes a 4 year relationship during my early 20s of which 3 of those were spent living under the same roof. Playing house does NOT equal being in an adult relationship.
I'm not sure why she crossed my mind but I thought of this poet I once dated, back in Miami, at a time when I was only dating artists and I was painting like a mad man. She wrote amazing poems about me and let me into her very guarded heart. I painted her portrait over and over and she became a reoccurring theme in the poems she inspired me to write. Very bad ones. Like about space and the universe. Very bad.
I label it my most adult relationship because of how easy and nonchalant it was. She was very insecure and guarded so I had to over compensate for her just as she did for me at times. She was introverted and nervous and I was always a source of calm for her. We would drive off to the beach and get lost for hours, no cell phones, no email. Nothing but the great company and a rambunctious spirit. Sometimes we would leave class early and just spend the day together. I felt very manly in that relationship for however weird it seems to write that. I felt strong and in command yet honest and very caring. I gave her space and I didn't immaturely misconstrue it as being a negative reflection on myself. I was so confident. It was the most collaborative relationship I've had to date. Every other girl has been a battle from day one.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
blog ja vu
Deja vu. I hope! I had the most amazing dream last night. Good enough so that I didn't want to wake up. Good enough to make me late to work this morning. Good enough not to care about my tardiness.
I was married. She was the cutest girl. Nothing but smiles. She looked and felt like everything I've ever wanted ever in a girl. We had a happy baby. She was holding the baby, standing in front of me, as I looked at her and then down at my baby. I was at peace, completely in love with my other half and the treasure we'd created together. I remember nothing of the dream's details except for the rosy color to everything and the overwhelming feeling of happiness. I've never wanted anything more than to feel that again.
I've had dreams in the past that, as far as 2 or 3 years later, will peg me right in the middle of a full on deja vu. I've dreamt about living with my ex-girlfriend long before we were even dating. I've dreamt about fun outings with friends. Let's keep it real, I dreamt about Maddox before that whole thing happened. I don't know enough about the phenomenon to accurately say I've been seeing the future in nonsensical fragments but I'm more hopeful now than ever. Every time I'm in the middle of a deja vu I tell myself that I'm on the right path if I'm experiencing something today that I dreamt about 2 years ago... right? Anyway, I hope this dream girl is real. I wonder who she is. I wonder if I already know her. I guess we'll see in about 2 years.
Excited,
b.
I was married. She was the cutest girl. Nothing but smiles. She looked and felt like everything I've ever wanted ever in a girl. We had a happy baby. She was holding the baby, standing in front of me, as I looked at her and then down at my baby. I was at peace, completely in love with my other half and the treasure we'd created together. I remember nothing of the dream's details except for the rosy color to everything and the overwhelming feeling of happiness. I've never wanted anything more than to feel that again.
I've had dreams in the past that, as far as 2 or 3 years later, will peg me right in the middle of a full on deja vu. I've dreamt about living with my ex-girlfriend long before we were even dating. I've dreamt about fun outings with friends. Let's keep it real, I dreamt about Maddox before that whole thing happened. I don't know enough about the phenomenon to accurately say I've been seeing the future in nonsensical fragments but I'm more hopeful now than ever. Every time I'm in the middle of a deja vu I tell myself that I'm on the right path if I'm experiencing something today that I dreamt about 2 years ago... right? Anyway, I hope this dream girl is real. I wonder who she is. I wonder if I already know her. I guess we'll see in about 2 years.
Excited,
b.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
blog it out for yourself
Work it out for yourself. Whenever you're stressing out, take a moment and tell yourself, 'I am stressing myself out'. It's not what you're hashing out in your head; never what you're tinkering with. Take a breath, get out of your own head. Nothing is that bad. It never is.
Whenever you feel pinned in a corner. Fight harder. When you feel small. Go bigger. When you feel you can't. Do.
This is more for me than it is for any of you nerds but... it's good for all of us to know.
Stay focused. Stay rogue.
b.
Whenever you feel pinned in a corner. Fight harder. When you feel small. Go bigger. When you feel you can't. Do.
This is more for me than it is for any of you nerds but... it's good for all of us to know.
Stay focused. Stay rogue.
b.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
cupid's blogrrow
Cupid's arrow. I've never played match maker. Ever. Well, unless you count the time a past girlfriend left me for someone I had originally introduced her to, but I'm assuming that doesn't really count in the conventional sense. I've never really been set up with anyone either other than an elbow to the ribs and a "Dude, she's totally into you. Go get it." kind of situation. This morning was the first time I ever wanted to play Cupid and had you seen what I saw you would've wanted to too!
Subway car, morning, she ducks under the doorway and enters. The whole car, confused as to whether to be afraid or attracted to this gorgeous and very tall young lady, looks over in her direction. She's very tall, like 6'2" or something. She's a giant! Definitely taller than the fashion/runway models I hang with. I'd say just about pushing the boundary of too tall to model. I instantly started thinking about how hard it must be to find a mate when you're that tall. I've been on the short end of a she's taller than you relationship so I know what it must feel like. She'd obviously like someone her height or taller but... she's taller than most of this city!
The very next stop on the subway, he enters the train car. He also ducks under the doorway and the entire car looks over to him, then to her, then back to him. I'm positive they were all thinking what I was thinking... these two should marry, like tomorrow. They stood in the subway car very near each other and I saw each of them glance up from their reading material to check each other out. I'm sure they were thinking the same thing too!
I was trying to catch his attention so I could shoot him the silent, point with your eyes at a chick and mouth "go", technique used by males all over the globe to alert another hunting male to prey more suitable for them. Almost like 2 hunters finding each other in the woods except I'm hunting quail and he's hunting deer. We both stay silent but if I see he has a kill shot at the deer. I let him know. (Bro Code, chapter 17, article 4. The art of hunting in packs.) Don't look that up, nerd.
Just imagine how gorgeous their babies would be if those two very tall and attractive people got it on and procreated. The baby would grow up to have that slender muscle tone, the fluid lines of those long legs, the graceful curve to the neck, the beautiful brown spots on it's yellow fur... wait what?
Subway car, morning, she ducks under the doorway and enters. The whole car, confused as to whether to be afraid or attracted to this gorgeous and very tall young lady, looks over in her direction. She's very tall, like 6'2" or something. She's a giant! Definitely taller than the fashion/runway models I hang with. I'd say just about pushing the boundary of too tall to model. I instantly started thinking about how hard it must be to find a mate when you're that tall. I've been on the short end of a she's taller than you relationship so I know what it must feel like. She'd obviously like someone her height or taller but... she's taller than most of this city!
The very next stop on the subway, he enters the train car. He also ducks under the doorway and the entire car looks over to him, then to her, then back to him. I'm positive they were all thinking what I was thinking... these two should marry, like tomorrow. They stood in the subway car very near each other and I saw each of them glance up from their reading material to check each other out. I'm sure they were thinking the same thing too!
I was trying to catch his attention so I could shoot him the silent, point with your eyes at a chick and mouth "go", technique used by males all over the globe to alert another hunting male to prey more suitable for them. Almost like 2 hunters finding each other in the woods except I'm hunting quail and he's hunting deer. We both stay silent but if I see he has a kill shot at the deer. I let him know. (Bro Code, chapter 17, article 4. The art of hunting in packs.) Don't look that up, nerd.
Just imagine how gorgeous their babies would be if those two very tall and attractive people got it on and procreated. The baby would grow up to have that slender muscle tone, the fluid lines of those long legs, the graceful curve to the neck, the beautiful brown spots on it's yellow fur... wait what?
Monday, November 23, 2009
the blog is always greener
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. This phrase is used to remind yourself that what you have is just as good and could be envied by others. I agree wholeheartedly but what if the water is also bluer and the sky fuller and the air crisper and animals animalier and the sand golden-er? (Okay, I'll stop there.)
There's someone on this little blue planet I know that is on an adventure and though I'm happy for every step she takes, it also saddens me that I feel as if I've missed out on having MY great adventure. I'm not saying I couldn't still have a globe trekking experience but I feel like most people do that in their care-free twenties. Did I breeze passed my window of opportunity? Perhaps my adventure is more local and about the professional risks I take but that kind of feels unfulfilling on some level. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to downplay what I've achieved so far it's just... I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm getting at but what I'd like to leave you with is this... if you have an opportunity to pack up and go. Go.
"Viajar es imprescindible y la sed de viajar un sintoma neto de inteligencia."
Happy trails,
b.
There's someone on this little blue planet I know that is on an adventure and though I'm happy for every step she takes, it also saddens me that I feel as if I've missed out on having MY great adventure. I'm not saying I couldn't still have a globe trekking experience but I feel like most people do that in their care-free twenties. Did I breeze passed my window of opportunity? Perhaps my adventure is more local and about the professional risks I take but that kind of feels unfulfilling on some level. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to downplay what I've achieved so far it's just... I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm getting at but what I'd like to leave you with is this... if you have an opportunity to pack up and go. Go.
"Viajar es imprescindible y la sed de viajar un sintoma neto de inteligencia."
Happy trails,
b.
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